My poor Android phone was so confused. It didn’t know where it was and, any time it would get near a wifi connection, it would try to find itself via GPS. Since setting foot on Irish soil, it hadn’t had a whole lot of luck.
The time had shifted again on my phone so when I woke up on the morning of the wedding, I couldn’t figure out what time it was. My complex formula to convert from Droid time to Irish time was now null and void. I picked up my camera and checked the time on it. I knew it was accurate to Seattle time. Shite, I thought, it’s almost ten o’ clock.
I had planned to get up around 7:30, take a shower, organize some breakfast, gather all the last minute things and then be on the road by around 11:15 so we could arrive at Ballybeg House by noon. Waking up so late put that plan in the shredder.
I knocked on Kieran’s door. He was still asleep. “Get up, it’s ten o’ clock Kieran!”. All I heard from the other side of the door was “O fuck!” It was time to get into chicken without a head mode because we hardly had time to do anything. Kieran was in the kitchen in a few minutes assessing our food resources for breakfast. We had nothing so he said he was going to the store. That didn’t sit well with the Best Man because I knew that Kieran’s process to get ready and get out the door was already exceeding the time I wanted to be on the road by at least half an hour. Going to the store for breakfast stuff was going to increase that delay.
The wedding was at 2pm so it wasn’t a huge deal that we be there at noon. I just wanted to make sure that if something went wrong, we would be there to sort it out and not leave it up to Aileen. She hadn’t slept all that well for the past few nights and I didn’t want her to stress on the day. I preemptively called her so she was clued into our current situation. She was calm and had known that Kieran would not possibly be there by noon anyway.
Kieran returned from the store with milk and bananas and bacon. He cooked up some eggs and the bacon and we had some cereal too, just enough to keep us going for a while. Of course, he was right to put a priority on eating something because it was a long stretch between now and the wedding dinner.
We rushed around getting showers done and looking for a few last minute bits and pieces and just after noon we were on the road. As we sped through the countryside, I looked at both of us in the car and I felt like it was a scene out of a Quentin Tarrantino movie. He and I had on suits and cool sunglasses. Maybe it was more like the Blues Brothers but, either way, it was a little surreal.
Getting ready to leave for the wedding.
Aileen called us on Kieran’s cell phone to ask if we had left yet. She wanted to know exactly when we would arrive because she wanted to remain out of sight to Kieran until she walked down the aisle. I told her we were ten minutes away so she had to hustle. We rolled up at about 12:45 which, all in all, wasn’t too bad.
The setting was gorgeous and the weather, through some kind of divine intervention, was spectacular. Gone was all the rain from the night before and the sky was blue and full of big puffy white clouds. The fields were glowing in shades of green and gold and musicians were all around tuning up and singing. There was a great buzz in the air.
Kieran and Dara, the Celebrant discuss ceremony details against a spectacular backdrop.
Kieran was soon speaking with the Celebrant for the day, Dara. Because this was a non-denominational wedding, there was no minister or priest in the classic sense. Dara lives on a group of Islands just off the west coast of Ireland called the Aran Islands. This area is one of my favorite in the world so I was looking forward to finding out more about life on the island. As luck would have it, Dara was placed beside me for dinner.
By 1:45 it became apparent that Kieran’s Dad was not going to be there by the scheduled start time. He is an octogenarian and was driving directly from Dublin that day. He had taken a wrong turn and had gotten lost in the maze of the Wexford backroads. Kieran’s sister Eleanor was trying to figure out where he was and spoke to him by cell giving instructions to turn right and then turn left and then make another right, etc. It was decided to delay the wedding a little until he managed to get there. And get there he did around 2:15 so the celebration commenced.
Kieran and I stood there in the sun. I could feel the rings in my hand and I was ready to perform my duty as Best Man. The music began and Aileen appeared arm and arm with her dad. She was absolutely beautiful and Kieran was visibly moved. The service itself was wonderful and full of symbolism and it all went smoothly. I handed over the rings and, before we knew it, they were pronounced husband and wife. The music started up again and there was a slow procession back into the house.
Aside from the dinner and after-dinner music, everything else was going on outside. The weather was holding up and now it was time to have some drinks. There were wasps everywhere and I was concerned because some people had already been stung. The last thing I wanted to deal with was a bee sting that would cause me to go into shock. I grabbed a paper plate and used it as a makeshift fly swatter. It worked pretty well.
My challenge was to abstain from consuming too much alcohol. Unfortunately the time between now and when I would have to give the speech was a full five hours. Jayzus, how was I going to stay away from the drink until then? I wanted to be totally sober when I delivered the Best Man speech/toast. I was pretty nervous about it because it was a sizeable crowd and, while I’m fine one on one with people, I have very little experience addressing a crowd. Not only that but there was quite a bit of pressure on me because every second person I passed said “looking forward to hearing your big speech tonight!”
I was originally going to wing it but then figured that if I froze, it would be a total disaster. I had written a speech prior to arriving in Gorey and I had gone through it in my head a number of times. Without the pressure I could recite it without notes. I decided to talk about how we had met, a little bit about our experience together, a little nudge about his inability to be anywhere on time, a little bit about Aileen and then my wish for them together as a couple. I thought that felt like a good structure. I wanted to avoid jokes and making fun of him because the message I had for them was just too important to me.
Time was flying and the hired photographer began taking photographs. Kieran had originally asked me to do the photos for the day but with my Best Man duties, I couldn’t possibly be in two places at once. In order for me to have gotten shots of the service, I could not have been participating at the “altar”. It was fun watching the photographer at work. She was good and had some creative ideas. I clicked into Best Man/Photographer Assist mode and gathered everyone for the various poses.
I snagged a few photos over the hired photographer's shoulder.
The bride's family.
Kieran's sisters Eleanor and Marion and aunt.
Epic Hollywood kiss and accompanying scenery.
Then the wedding organizer came to me and asked me for help gather everyone for dinner. I couldn’t believe it was already 5:30pm. With all the running around I was doing, ensuring that both Aileen and Kieran had everything they needed, I had easily managed to stay sober but I felt a little nervous now that the big speech was approaching. We asked that Kieran and Aileen hold back while everyone filled up the marquee. I grabbed the microphone when all were seated and introduced the bride and groom.
Dinner was delicious. There was butternut squash soup followed by sea bass, mashed potato and roasted carrots and parsnips and then for dessert we had meringue with cream and fresh berries. I really enjoyed the food and Dara, the celebrant was sitting to my right and we had great conversation about life on the Aran Islands. To my left was Kieran and he and I were sweating a little about the upcoming speeches. A few people had come up to him and told him not to be nervous because, although it was a big crowd, it wasn’t like they were strangers. Oh great, that didn’t comfort me at all because the majority of the room WERE strangers!
I’m not real comfortable speaking in public. If you get me one on one, I can talk your head off but addressing a large group of strangers about a personal experience is another story. In reality, it couldn’t have been an easier crowd. Everyone there was as genuine as one could wish for and the whole affair was quite casual. Kieran made some notes and it was time to just do it. He told me he was just going to thank a few people, say something about Aileen and then be done.
He got up and was a total natural, as relaxed as you like and cracking jokes here and there.Bastard! He was a frickin’ pro. Crap, I wanted him to be a complete amateur so I would have nowhere to go but up. No such luck. Before I could swallow the lump in my throat he introduced me and handed me the microphone.
I stood up and started with the easy stuff that I figured would loosen me up. I thanked all of those involved in paying for my ticket and making it possible for me to be there. I was supposed to thank everyone else, as was my job, but Kieran had pretty much thanked the entire room so I had to just get on with it. I could hear my heart banging and that just pissed me off. When I get nervous, like most people who get nervous, you can detect it in my voice. It has a kind of wavering that betrays my anxiety. The story I had to tell was about how Kieran and I met and the setup was a little convoluted. I looked at the sea of faces and decided on a different strategy. I told everyone I was a little nervous and was going to sit down and address Kieran directly. That gave me only one person to focus on and it made me feel a little less obvious. I had a microphone in my hand so everyone could hear me clearly.
I had thought this speech out in advance and had the whole thing typed up to reference but I actually didn’t need to consult my notes at all. It just came out and I was glad of that because it felt heartfelt and natural. I also talked to Aileen about how I felt about her. There were some funny moments but I refrained from the usual jokes and put downs because it just didn’t seem appropriate to my message. When it was over, I was relieved. People came to me later and told me they thought what I had to say was really honest and heartfelt and they were moved so it was nice to hear that. The wedding and the dinner were being videotaped but still, I think I’ll skip that part if I get a copy :)
After me, Aileen's dad got up to say a few words and he had some funny stories to tell about Aileen. There was a nice relaxed atmosphere in the air and I scanned the room and found many smiling faces.
Next came Richard McEvoy, Kieran’s father. It was hugely significant that he had attended the wedding and was saying a few words because Kieran and his dad have had their differences over the years but Richard left those behind and came to support Kieran and Aileen on this most important of days. Each speech had a different spin. Richard’s concentrated more on Kieran’s childhood and his early creativity and it was fun to hear some of the anecdotes. After Richard came John McEvoy, Kieran’s uncle and Richard’s brother. He lives in Canada and is now retired after a successful career in the jewelry business. He’s a great storyteller and a confident speaker and he had some funny things to say about Kieran and his family, all very warm-hearted and loving.
Richard McEvoy, Kieran's dad.
So finally all the speeches were out of the way and it was time to start some serious drinking. I actually kept my alcohol intake to a minimum but it was nice to know I could indulge if I wanted to. I still felt like I was “on the clock”, so to speak, as the best man.
Even though the wedding ceremony was done, the reception was finished and the dinner was now winding down, it was really only the beginning of the day’s activities. Because Kieran and Aileen are musicians and Aileen is also an accomplished actress, the entertainment for the night read like a music festival rather than a typical wedding band-style evening.
I could feel the energy as the amps popped into life and guitar chords chimed. The familiar sound of guitar strings being tuned and snare and bass drum thumping got everyone’s attention in the marquee. Soon Kieran and Aileen were on stage belting out blues-based sweet and grungy songs. The combination of these two immense talents is mesmerizing to watch. Kieran plays guitar effortlessly, like the instrument is a conduit to his heart and soul. Aileen’s voice is halting. She is equally able to sing the sweetest ballad or shape shift into a raunchy blues rock goddess.
Over three hours of live music made this unique wedding all the more so. Appearances by Aileen’s parents (who were in a band together way back when) and many others kept things pumping. Even Kieran’s dad came up to do a number! Kieran’s family are a very talented bunch and they appeared in various iterations over the course of the night. Eleanor McEvoy took the stage also singing her huge hit “A Woman’s Heart” and then switching gears getting on down with some ballsy rock and roll. Kieran looked at me midway and, with pride in his eyes, said “That’s my sister…I can’t believe it!!!”. Very touching.
Around 11pm a chip van rolled up…as in fish and chips. This was part of the night and they were serving free chips (fries, for our American audience) and chicken nuggets. A great touch and a good way to soak up all the alcohol.
I spent most of the night taking photographs of all the acts and then the crowd made a huge circle and Kieran and Aileen danced together. Of course it wasn’t over once the last band had played. Aileen threw her bouquet into the air for some lucky individual to symbolically find love of their own and then the disco started. The amount of energy in the marquee after 12 hours of non-stop activity took my breath away. I don’t know how they do it. I must be getting old.
The all-important bouquet throwing moment.
I was staying at a lodge about eight miles away. Kieran’s sister and her sons were also going there so they were already packing up. We had a ride there via a van and the timing was perfect. No disco for me because my eyes were rolling into the back of my head.
The good thing about having so much to do during the day for me between the best man duties and taking photographs was that I had relatively very little to drink. So by 3pm I was quite sober…but very tired. No hangover tomorrow, yay for me.
The lodge is spectacular, well, what I could see of it at that time of the morning. It is situated on private grounds with access via an electronic gate. There seemed to be an endless hallway of bedrooms. This house had been rented for a bunch of us and I was looking forward to falling into a deep sleep on my bed. There were two beds in my room so someone else was probably going to be in there with me. We weren’t sure at that moment but I didn’t care.
My mind had a tough time settling down after such a packed day. The rustic interior of the house bounced sound all over the place and, although I had the door closed, I could hear everything downstairs vividly. The party continued with loud laughter and clanking of glasses, music and turning the TV on and channel surfing whilst the volume was set to 11 (anyone remember Spinal Tap?).
I’m a light sleeper so I was tossing and turning. Just when I would begin to drift off, someone said something funny downstairs and the laughter spiked again and more clanking glasses and music. The sun began to shine through my window around 6am and finally I was falling asleep. But then the second wave of visitors arrived. It was the post-disco crowd and they were in rare form. The TV went back on, laughing, banging, music, the works. By now the world was slowly turning inside a vortex of complete exhaustion so I was immune to all the outside stimuli.
My phone was dead and my computer was all packed up and there wasn’t a single clock in the house so when I woke up, I hadn’t a clue what time it was. I was beginning to think that a sundial was going to be a good investment for me. My experience with time was a challenge to say the least since my arrival in the Emerald Isle. The sun was up in the sky a bit so I calculated it to be about 10 or 11 in the morning.
During the night, I heard a cell phone going off a couple of times and no one was answering it. I thought it belonged to someone downstairs until I found Kieran’s phone in my jacket pocket while trying to organize my stuff in the bedroom. Not sure how it got there but I decided to call Aileen to let her know I had it in case they were looking around in a panic for it. When I called, she was already up. They were staying in another house not too far from Ballybeg and they had done the whole hot tub routine and sounded quite relaxed.
On today’s agenda was a low key barbecue back at Ballybeg House and that was scheduled for 2:30 or so but it was decided to delay it by an hour when the alcohol intake damage was assessed by all the attendees. Many hangovers were alive and well that morning.
I walked around the grounds of our lodge and took some photographs and then had some breakfast. Slowly but surely the other guests began to emerge. Eleanor’s partner Mick came to drive us to Ballybeg.
The view from my bedroom window at the lodge.
The lodge where I stayed.
It was now Wednesday and I knew things were going to be winding down after the barbecue so I decided to bring my luggage with me and see if I could possibly either get a ride back to Dublin or be brought to the train station or bus stop.
We arrived at Ballybeg house that afternoon and there was only a tiny amount of activity. Aileen’s mother was buzzing around getting things together for the barbecue. Wasps were everywhere so we made up some homemade traps with jam jars and put them out to drown the little bastards.
I spent most of the afternoon chatting and catching up with Eleanor. I have such affection for her and we go way back with her music. Kieran and I played on her first ever demo and, since then, she has made quite a name for herself in Ireland and Europe.
In the evening, the bar in the Marquee opened up and we headed inside. There was no real plan other than drinking which, in Ireland, isn’t really be a plan, it’s more of a given. I told Kieran I was thinking of leaving for Dublin and he said he wasn’t having anything of the kind. I was going to stay overnight and and I was going to like it that was that.
I sat at a big table alongside Kieran, Aileen’s father Sean, Marion, her partner Brendan, Eleanor, Marion’s son Patrick and later, Aileen’s brother Jonathan. Each had instruments from mandolins to guitars to harmonicas to violins. The music began with everyone just sitting there and soon they were in full session mode.
Eleanor had asked if I wanted to play piano but I am so rusty, I didn’t feel comfortable but, as the music got underway, I wanted to do something so I grabbed a tambourine and shaker and became the percussion section for the evening.
We played lots of different styles from rock to ballads to Irish traditional music. I hadn’t played in a band for so long it was a complete thrill to be part of it. Some of the audience members got up to sing and we decided that we would continue to play until the audience was smaller than the band. The highlight for me was a rousing version of Hey Jude which went on for about ten minutes at least with everyone in the audience joining in the epic chorus at the end. So I’m glad Kieran convinced me to stay, it was another great addition to this magical experience.
Kieran whispered in my ear that I had forgotten to acknowledge the bridesmaids during my speech so I needed to quickly amend that. I stood up and declared my omission from the previous day blaming it on my nervousness and flowers were presented to the attending bridesmaids.
All in all a brilliant few days. I returned to the lodge for my final night before heading back to Dublin.
It was a relatively quiet evening and sleep came easy.
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